well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize