I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
