i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
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We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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