woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
