at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize