K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
