just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
