think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
