Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize