It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
