I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
