does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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