Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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