she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
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Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
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BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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