i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
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He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
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I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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