My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
