And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
