Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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