Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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