i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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