And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
