im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
