Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
