is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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