I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
