masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize