im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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