I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
