Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
