in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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