I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
