I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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