we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
