When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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