What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
