im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
