i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
