And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
