I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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