im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
