wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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