I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
