Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
