So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm at about main and main street
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
