My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
