FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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