i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We have started to decorate penises.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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