Don't make out with my wife yet
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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