2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
