he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize