Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
