dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
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Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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