I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
