Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
