Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
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My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.