he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
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Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
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You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.