I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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