Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just wanna be euthanized