Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with