My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This Girlâ€™s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.