Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you still have your period?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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