I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
