hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Blood and glitter go together right?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
