Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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