hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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